For years, I put my children to bed with a tiny inside joke, “Get to sleep now because we have to get up in a minute.” When they became old enough to understand the true meaning of the word play, we had brief smiles between us at bedtime. When bedtime was not going so well, I would wait for a small window to make my inside joke and often it would turn the tide on a hellish evening. Those were hundreds of moments of intimate connection in a life scattered with big disconnects.
Last night, I stayed up all night talking WITH my son. It was delicious and I have waited 16 years for it–that is not hyperbole. Around 5am, I found my window, “Get to sleep now, we have to get up in a minute.” He laughed hard, genuinely knowing the multiple layers of what that meant–we share history, we are family, we are glued together by love, and, literally, we had to get up in a minute.
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT
The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships
Wisdom For Adoptive Parents 