I know this can go against the grain of what having children is all about.  Aren’t we supposed to put our children’s needs above our own?  Yes, sure.  And most of the time YOU do.  But sacrifice to the point of martyrdom will not a healthy family make.

After you have taken a breather, put your head back on with a new set of lens for your eyes.  The second best way to take care of yourself is to re-adjust your attitude about your traumatized children.  Their pain, wounding, outbursts, hatefulness, rejection, meanness, and fear has nearly nothing to do with YOU, and nearly everything to do with how they experience themselves and others in a dangerous world.  YOU scare them to the core.

If you were made of cardboard, YOU would still be the object of reactivity and likely be covered in spit and kick marks.  So, refocus your thinking.  Don’t over personalize your child’s reactivity toward YOU.  It is not about YOU.

Here is a suggestion: Love from a higher place.  Some of YOU have the love of God in your hearts.  Others the love of passion.  And still, there are folks who are rising to a call.  Some are engaging the challenge.  How ever you keep your heart alive and giving, do it.  Do it every day like your life depends on it–because it does.

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Love Matters,

Ce Eshelman, LMFT

 Love is not just a feeling.  It is a commitment.

NOTE: If you are planning to sign up, please go ahead and do it because I think the space will end up being limited this time around. The next REVISED Trust-based Parent Training Course in Sacramento, CA is scheduled for January 24th and January 31st. Register here.  If you have been through this course in the past, you will be getting significantly more hands on experience than ever before.

 

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