Dear Parents,
I live with 4 adult children from difficult beginnings and my ears are being assailed by explanations, reasons, lies, excuses, and arguments. Any sentence I speak that ends with a question mark is met by reflexive survival reactions designed to say, Whatever it is you might be asking (which I probably didn’t fully hear), I didn’t do it; I am not bad; you are wrong; there are reasons.
Me: Did anyone see my old Mac around?
Collective Them: No, I’ve never touched it. No, I have never seen it. I didn’t even know it was missing, so I didn’t take it. I didn’t use it, Mom.
Me: Whose clothes are in the dryer?
Collective Them: Not mine. His, I didn’t touch the dryer. I haven’t done mine this week at all. I didn’t see who did it.
Me: Who has my tweezers?
Collective Them: I have my own. I never use tweezers. I don’t even know where you keep your tweezers. Don’t ask me.
Me: Are all the chores done?
Collective Them: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Me: Right. Get them done before dinner, please.
Me: Whose music is blasting?
Collective Them: Not mine. Not mine. Not mine. Not mine.
Me: Clearly it’s mine. Whoever’s music isn’t blasting, turn it down.
The quickest way for me to find out who is home is to yell out a question–the reflexive, survival responses are lightning strikes off their tongues. Poor babies. Every last one of them is scared to death of being “bad,” and not one of them actually is.
The Attach Place Center for Strengthening Relationships
Love matters,
Ce
UPCOMING HOLD ME TIGHT WORKSHOP
The next 8 hr. Trust Based Parent Training is scheduled for April 23rd and 30th from 12noon to 4pm. $200 per couple. Childcare available for $30 each day, second child $10 additional. To sign up email Jen@attachplace.com and she will register you.
Wisdom For Adoptive Parents 