Category Archives: Therapy for Attachment Disorder Children

Attachment Panic

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Attachment panic in our children is painful and scary. It occurs when insecurely attached children are triggered by some kind of deprivation–major or minor, real or perceived–to experience abandonment at the core of their being. When the child feels that core abandonment, s/he goes into survival mode–fight, flight or freeze–because at least once, and often many times in the past, s/he endured the bone chilling fear of eminent death by abandonment.  
What you need to know is that YOU cannot always prevent this kind of triggered panic.  Over time YOU can build in your child a felt sense of safety by creating a safe, sensory-rich environment, being a safe and attuned parent, and helping your child understand that manipulation, excessive control and violence are misguided ways to get connection. It takes a long time to turn this around and heal the wounds. Keep the faith. Healing happens with consistent therapeutic parenting.
Attachment Help

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT 
UPCOMING EVENTS:
The Attach Place is embarking on our second round of scholarships for families with adopted children who need services but have no funding to get them. We used up the last of our scholarship money last summer and are ready to start fundraising again. This time we have a pie-in-the-sky, big, hairy, audacious goal of $25,000. If you have a dollar you can afford to contribute, that is how we will pave the way–one dollar at a time. Go to: Love Matters Scholarship Fund.
 
Next Trust-based Relational Parent Training is scheduled for May 10th and 17th.  It is close to full already, so go to www.attachplace.com to register soon to reserve your space.  
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State Dependent Learning

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State-dependent memory, or state-dependent learning is the biological process through which memory retrieval is heightened and most efficient when an individual is in the same state of being (consciousness, mood, emotion) as they were when the memory was formed.  Context-dependent learning is the process through which memory retrieval is heightened when an individual is in the same place or environment as they were when the memory was formed.
When your child is ALWAYS reactive in specific places or ALWAYS reactive when hungry, then your are likely dealing with a combination of things, and state-dependent learning and context-dependent learning may be at work.  
 
So?
 
Well, this means you have some additional ways of helping your child recall what they have learned previously about managing their emotions, such as using their words or taking a breath.
 
Example for hunger reactive child: Proactively give healthy snacks at two hour intervals to prevent the internal state of hunger which triggers reactivity.
 
Example for a school reactive child:  Play some happy music at home while teaching your child to deep breathe.  Then, on the way to school in the car play the same happy music and practice deep breathing.
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Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT 

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Our children have a story they tell themselves.  Do you know what your child’s internal story is?  You might hear it leaking out in times of emotional upheaval:  Nobody likes me.  I never get what I want. It’s too hard.  I can’t. You don’t love me.  I don’t love anybody.  I hate myself.  I hate everyone.  I can do it without anyone’s help. I don’t need you.  I don’t need love.  I hate love.
 
Having a coherent narrative is one of the keys to mental health. Whenever you can, tell your child the story you want them to tell themselves inside. YOU don’t need to make anything up.  Your child is precious, loved, planned, wanted, adored, valued, appreciated, and special.  Make sure you say these things all the time–10,000 times to make a new neuro-pathway.  
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Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT 

PTSD + Attachment Challenge = Complex Developmental Trauma

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Children who have been traumatized by maltreatment of neglect, physical, sexual and emotional abuse, and/or exposure to various forms of environmental toxins and violence, plus they have been taken from their birth mother in the first few years have Complex Developmental Trauma.  YOU or your therapist won’t find that in the DSM (Diagnostic Statistical Manual for diagnosing mental health conditions) because it hasn’t been accepted into that tome yet. There is a long, laborious process to get any new diagnosis into the manual, so it will be years before Complex Developmental Trauma Disorder can be diagnosed officially.
 
That doesn’t mean that it cannot be known and treated.  If your child has been diagnosed with PTSD and has attachment breaches, then very likely Complex Developmental Trauma is a more accurate diagnosis. YOU might ask why that distinction is important.  The number one reason is so that your child will get the most effective treatment for what is actually going on.
 
So many of my young clients have been misdiagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and half diagnosed with PTSD. They have received every kind of intervention under the sun–PCIT, CBT, DBT, Trauma Focus-CBT, hospitalization, stimulant medications, medical restraint medications, various behavioral (stick and carrot) programs, and best buddy supports.  There is a place for these interventions, but you can be sure that none of them will be effective without a comprehensive approach that includes sensory interventions, therapeutic environmental interventions, attachment therapy based on relationship and play, narrative therapy that builds a coherent personal story, brain-based therapeutic parenting, parent support and treatment for early trauma, and child trauma therapy to bring down the child’s anxiety that “looks” like ADHD, but isn’t.
 
Just thought YOU might like to know.

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Love Matters,

Ce Eshelman, LMFT 
UPCOMING SPECIAL EVENTS:
 
Get more information and reserve your spot here for our upcomingHold Me Tight Couples Workshop for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on April 25th, 26th and 27th.
 
Next Trust-based Relational Parent Training is scheduled for May 10th and 17th.  It is close to full already, so go to www.attachplace.com to register soon to reserve your space.  
Check out our three blogs: