Tag Archives: adoption

Protection and Limit Setting

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Hi Sweet Parent–AKA, Child Whisperer:

Troubled BoyIf you brought home your child 10 years or 10 days ago from a difficult beginning, YOU may be battling profoundly painful shame that is easily triggered into automatic, habituated reactions of fear and resultant negative behavioral acting out. You may get pushed away, insulted, demeaned and rejected at every turn. Your child may take to self-injurious punishment by cutting themselves, hitting walls hard, or taking extreme bodily risks. There may even be disgusting behaviors like smearing feces, peeing on the floor, or eating gross things from the garbage to elicit rejection from YOU.

The overriding goal of healing this child’s broken heart is to demonstrate that no icky behavior is so horrible that it cannot be understood and addressed by YOU. There will be NO HARM here. There will be NO CASTING off.

Setting limits is essential for social rehabilitation, but that can only be done within the context of true safety from abuse or rejection by the parent.

Attachment Help

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

YOU are earning your moniker every day–Child Whisperer.

Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
Attachment Specialist and
Parent Whisperer

DOWN TO THE DEADLINE…HAVE YOU SIGNED UP!!!
Get more information and sign up here for our 10-hour Trust-based Parenting Course for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on March 29th and April 5th, 2014

Get more information and reserve your spot here for our upcoming Hold Me Tight Couples Workshop for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on April 25th, 26th and 27th.

Check out our three blogs:
www.lovestronglovelong.com
www.parentingwithheart.net
www.wisdomforadoptiveparents.com

Feel free to invite your friends and family to receive Daily YOU Time emails, too. Click here to sign them up. All you need is an email address and first name.

Fear Is A Harsh Master

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Fear is a harsh master. At least once a week a parent confesses to me they are worried they have a budding Adam Lanza in their living room. I mean no disrespect to Adam Lanza and his family. He was a very disturbed young man whose family (guns aside) had tried to get him help for years prior to the Newtown tragedy. And that is the point of what parents are telling me. They are trying to get their child help, nothing seems to work, and they fear the outcome will be tragic.

I know that portentous fear very well. It has sliced me to the bone many times throughout my child raising years. When fear was my master, my parenting was over-controlling, reactive, and down right harsh. Children always mirror parental emotion, rather than parental intention. My fear begot scared, angry, reactive behavior from my children. I could see the reflection of my fear in their eyes.

I know YOU are scared. The antidote is love. That is so touchy feel-y, New Age-y, isn’t it? It just happens to be true. When I wrestled my fear into submission and let go to love with a capital L, my children reflected that back to me. Faking love doesn’t work, so I am not talking about pretending to be loving through gritted teeth. I am talking about surrendering fear and really finding in your heart the courage to love with an open heart. Your children can feel the difference, and in time that love will be the change YOU are looking for in them.

Attachment Help

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
Attachment Specialist

UPCOMING SPECIAL EVENTS:
Get more information and sign up here for our 10-hour Trust-based Parenting Course for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on March 29th and April 5th, 2014.

Get more information and reserve your spot here for our upcoming Hold Me Tight Couples Workshop for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on April 25th, 26th and 27th.

Check out our three blogs:
http://www.lovestronglovelong.com
http://www.parentingwithheart.net
http://www.wisdomforadoptiveparents.com

Feel free to invite your friends and family to receive Daily YOU Time emails, too. Click here to sign them up. All you need is an email address and first name.

If Wishes Were Horses

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To quote the fabulous Lucinda Williams, “If wishes were horses, I’d have a ranch.” How about YOU?

Love Matters

Love Matters

Mostly, I wish that love was all that mattered in the fight to heal the broken hearts (brains) of our children. If it were, all of our children would grow and heal and thrive, because we parents have love to give by the buckets full.

Unfortunately, love is only one ingredient. It is essential, but more is required. Sometimes YOU can throw into the pot everything imaginable, including the kitchen sink, for years on end and still not have enough ingredients to make a delicious stew.

So, my dears, make soup.

The Attach Place

The Attach Place
Center for Strengthening Relationships

When you pick the freshest veggies, reduce the stock to sublime, raid the garden for just the right herbs, and season the best you know how, YOU can feel proud of the soup YOU prepared. The rest of the cooking is up to your beautiful child. There may be a wonderful stew there, with a little more simmering in adulthood.

Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
Attachment Specialist

UPCOMING SPECIAL EVENTS:
Get more information and reserve your spot here for our upcoming Hold Me Tight Couples Workshop for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on April 25th, 26th and 27th.

Get more information and sign up here for our 10-hour Trust-based Parenting Course for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on March 29th and April 5th, 2014.

Check out our three blogs:
http://www.lovestronglovelong.com
http://www.parentingwithheart.net
http://www.wisdomforadoptiveparents.com

Feel free to invite your friends and family to receive Daily YOU Time emails, too. Click here to sign them up. All you need is an email address and first name.

Some Days We Just Get Tired

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I don’t know about YOU, but some days I just don’t want to think about parenting at all.  Okay, there, I said it.  Roar!

Teen Sleep

Now I have to go roust up my son from near death, depths of sleep to get ready for school. That’s not parenting. It is life–my daily life and likely yours.

The Attach Place Logo

 
Make the best of it.  It’s the only one you’ve got.
Love Matters,
Ce Eshelman, LMFT and Mother
Attachment Specialist
UPCOMING SPECIAL EVENTS:
Get more information and reserve your spot here for our upcoming Hold Me Tight Couples Workshop for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on April 25th, 26th and 27th.
 
Get more information and sign up here for our 10-hour Trust-based Parenting Course for Parents of Adopted, Attachment Challenged, and/or Special Needs Children in Sacramento, CA on March 29th and April 5th, 2014.
 
Check out our three blogs:
 
Feel free to invite your friends and family to receive Daily YOU Time emails, too.Click here to sign them up.  All you need is an email address and first name.